Fruit & Veggie Jokes

How do you get hold of a spiritually enlightened avocado?

You shout, “Holy Guacamole!”

Why can’t you get hold of some of the orange vegetables?

It’s because they don’t carrot all.

I got a joke about a root vegetable. Would anyone like to hear it?

“Beet it, pal!”

1st VegTalk member: " I don’t know if I can stand to read any more of these stupid puns."

2nd VegTalk member: “I sure hope that another one doesn’t turnip.”

What do you say to a green onion who buys you a drink at a bar just before last call?

You would probably shay, “Thanx shallot…(hic)!” – :drunken:

1st VegTalk member: “Can you use the formula, ‘pi r squared,’ to determine the area of a pumpkin?”

2nd VegTalk member: “I doubt it. Pie are round.”

It’s Halloween! I hope everyone has a gourd time tonight.

What do veggies who demonstrate at an anti-war rally chant?

“Give peas a chance, man!”

Turmeric is an excellent cancer-fighter. If you like adding turmeric to your Brussels sprouts, then why not sprinkle the spice on them twice. I mean, turmerics should be better than one, right?

What famous garden plant sings rock 'n roll songs and almost always says “thank you very much” when acknowledging applause?

That would be Elvis Parsley, of course. – :unamused:


mung turtle mung
garbanzo soy pinto pinto
fava fava
lima kidney navy navy
pinto lima lima

soy garbanzo

Forum coordinator: “It looks like CoffeehousePoet spilled the beans.”

Vegan Humor critic: “I don’t like any of these jokes. They’re too corny.”

Forum’s chief editor: “Squash 'em all, I say.”

CoffehousePoet: "Did you hear the one about the… "


Concerned emoji: “Stop it Coffeehouse! VegTalk members don’t wanna read any more of your stupid jokes so stop posting them! Just STOP!!!”

:astonished: “Holy smokes! What’s with the violence, man?”

:tongue7: “I’m outta here!”


Once upon a time, in a garden not so very far away, there grew a pumpkin who fell in love with a melon. They wanted to run off and get married, but they couldn’t because both of them were securely attached to a vine. One day, the melon decided to accept her fate so she said to the pumpkin, “I’m sorry, but I just can’t cantaloupe.”

:astonished: – Iceberg! Iceberg! We’re in a Titanic pickle but lettuce romaine calm, :help: will turnip soon.

(I came across this one online somewhere. Sorry, I couldn’t resist posting it on Vegan Humor. – :unamused: )

Re: December 25th, 2016

“Cherry Christmas, everyone!” – :cherry:

I ate January the 5th. Sorry 'bout that. I thought it was a date. – :toothy5: