What to do?

Hello all, new to the forums and am in quite the quandry here in snowy Utah. I have been married 22yrs with 3 older teenage kids. About 5 years ago i switched to vegetarian food, then about 2 years ago I became strictly vegan. My husband, a very dear sweet man and an UNBELIEVABLE chef, made it clear that while he respected my choices, it was not a path for him. He has been very respectful of my views, he cooks vegan meals as often and omnivore meals, and we swap places when we go out to eat. The issue is I have problems now with this half life. I want all the meat out of the house, I want his leather chair and coats gone. I want the beaver stetson hat destroyed, all of it!!! I want our kids to have a strict vegan diet, but my husband is just as adamant that they can choose for themselves what they will or will not eat, and quite frankly when he is working his “magic” in the kitchen my kids simply look at me like i have have just fallen off the proverbial turnip truck. I can’t go with him when it’s his turn to choose a dining place, the last one was a BBQ place and I thought I would faint when I saw the corpse of a poor pig turning on a spit. My vegan friends urge me to divorce and “rip his meat eating balls off”, but for the life of me I can’t. I have told him that we have to have a more vegan atmosphere in the house, but his reply is that he has been respectful of my life choices as much as he can be, and he had a right to expect me to do the same. Any advice???

Hello there and welcome to the forum! I think your husband is right… You should respect his belief as he respects yours… Maybe you will get into your goal in time but not as soon as you want… you can let your family adopt the vegan lifestyle slowly as we always say… :smiley: If you really love him then you’ll understand the way he is trying to understand you…

Hi troubledinutah and welcome to the boards! I’m new here too and it’s a fab place to be.

About your husband…sounds really difficult. My partner is a carnivore too and I have those moments of absolute revulsion at what she’s cooking. Fortunately she doesn’t like touching raw flesh too much so I don’t have to watch her tearing up a corpse. But I also have lots of moments when I want every animal product out of our home and far, far away from me. And that just can’t happen.

Someone reminded me once, in the middle of a rant about veganism, that I used to eat meat too. I felt a bit insulted, but then I thought about it and what my journey had been and continues to be and realised it was fair comment. To think about divorcing your husband would be like trying to divorce yourself from your past self. If you know what I mean! At different points in our lives we have different priorities. And the ones that are really meaningful to us stick around. You and your husband have discovered you have a priority that’s different. Has this happened before in your relationship? How did you negotiate it with him?

Being vegan can be a huge hassle. Looking for places to eat when you go out, learning to make a variety of foods that are satisfying, you know how it is. Your partner sounds ok with all this hassle in his life too and is accepting of it even though it’s not his choice. That sounds like a loving and tolerant man to me. Not may of those around! If he’s deliberately rubbing your nose in it then that’s disrespectful and probably needs a serious conversation.

I wonder if you could maybe try some compromise. What would the harm be if he went out to those BBQ places with his pals and you went somewhere nicer with yours? It sounds as though he would understand how distressing seeing corpses is for you. Could he prepare food while you’re not round to see the worst of it? How much education could your kids cope with about animal rights? I’m not suggesting they watch earthlings (quite upsetting movie) but maybe they could do some reading and discuss it with you? Or get to know some animals then have a think about how it would feel to watch them suffer. They might choose veganism later in life.

I find veganism is a really personal choice. Trying to get your partner to adopt your point of view on this one must be like banging your head on brick wall. I don’t want you to have a sore head! Maybe this is one area to explore being together with someone but being seperate at the same time.

Hope it works out for you. Best of luck.


While I can empathize with your struggle here, I will say that your vegan friends are pretty damned intolerant. To tell you to divorce your husband because he isn’t vegan is over the top. Yeah, it’d be great if the world over, people were vegan. But it isn’t realistic at this point in time. Each to their own. Yes, I know animals suffer at the hands of many humans for a variety of reasons, but I don’t think it’s my place to tell anyone not to eat flesh or dairy.

I woud agree with snog about your friends telling you to divorce your husband. That’s definitely stepping over the line in friendship and really unfair on your husband. Does he know they are recommending that?

Well said Snog and Redflower… Does our love to a person lessen just because he or she is not vegan?

Thanks for all the advice. Guess it was a bad day, my husband and the kids are really into hunting and fishing so it has been a very difficult time. I live in a small area so the few people that are vegans are quite extreme. Sometimes you just got to vent you know??? thanks again